Friday, January 26, 2007

SWA Strategies

I hate Southwest Airlines. In the past 15 years, I've probably taken 300 flights on Southwest. I have had the Companion Pass (which allows a person you designate to fly with you free on any Southwest flight for a year) 3 separate years. Now that I'm commuting between Los Angeles and Las Vegas, I'm forced once again to fly Southwest. Over the years, I've come up with several strategies for dealing with flying on Southwest which I'll share with all of you.
  1. Check in online 24 hours in advance. You MUST do this so that you get to board in the A priority line. Failure to do so almost always guarantees a middle seat between two very large and smelly people.
  2. Don't just take the first available aisle seat. Go down a few rows because there are always people who just HAVE to sit in the first few rows even if it means sitting in the middle seat instead of going to the back where it's half empty.
  3. If the window seat is open, look for a fat guy coming down the aisle and try to intice him to sit in your row.
  4. Put a bunch of papers and clothes on the middle seat.
  5. Remove your shoes. For full effect, remove your socks as well. Cross your legs and have your foot dangling on the middle seat. While not exactly barging an extra seat, most people would rather sit next to the tattoo and dreadlock guy than your smelly foot.
  6. Take a tissue out and blow your noise constantly.
  7. Clutch a barf bang.
  8. If someone still insists on taking the middle seat next to you, fumble around clumsily until the person finally just gives up and moves on.

If you have any other suggestions, please let me know....

Reliable advice.. I actually love SWA, and for the same reasons I've probably flown at least the same number of flights. My adivice is to be one of the last people on the flight and take that middle first row seat everyone else passed up hoping for something better, and then you'll be the first person off. Sure, it's a crappy seat, but to Vegas that saves you at least 30 minutes of sitting on the plane for an hour long flight, and you might not do better anyway.

Oh, and have drink change...
My advice, fly JetBlue whenever possible. If that is not an option and you find yourself on South Worst I find these methods effective:
Shady behavior in the terminal: pretend to have an intense animated conversation on your mobile phone (shouting when applicable). Act pissed after you hang up. Also, I find wearing my Miraslov Satan authentic NHL jersey keeps the bible bangers away. If you can, master the "crazy eye" and mad dog stare people down (do not smile, unless you are wearing your platinum grill) as they approach your aisle.
Sadly, the days of the walk on flask are over.
You could always pass gas. People tend to move several rows past you.
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