Friday, January 26, 2007
- Check in online 24 hours in advance. You MUST do this so that you get to board in the A priority line. Failure to do so almost always guarantees a middle seat between two very large and smelly people.
- Don't just take the first available aisle seat. Go down a few rows because there are always people who just HAVE to sit in the first few rows even if it means sitting in the middle seat instead of going to the back where it's half empty.
- If the window seat is open, look for a fat guy coming down the aisle and try to intice him to sit in your row.
- Put a bunch of papers and clothes on the middle seat.
- Remove your shoes. For full effect, remove your socks as well. Cross your legs and have your foot dangling on the middle seat. While not exactly barging an extra seat, most people would rather sit next to the tattoo and dreadlock guy than your smelly foot.
- Take a tissue out and blow your noise constantly.
- Clutch a barf bang.
- If someone still insists on taking the middle seat next to you, fumble around clumsily until the person finally just gives up and moves on.
If you have any other suggestions, please let me know....
Oh, and have drink change...
Shady behavior in the terminal: pretend to have an intense animated conversation on your mobile phone (shouting when applicable). Act pissed after you hang up. Also, I find wearing my Miraslov Satan authentic NHL jersey keeps the bible bangers away. If you can, master the "crazy eye" and mad dog stare people down (do not smile, unless you are wearing your platinum grill) as they approach your aisle.
Sadly, the days of the walk on flask are over.
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